Part Of Growing Up Is Part Four

#4 Part of Growing is knowing that We Can’t Always Give In.

Leaf Boat

Give in to what?  Our:
desire…impulse…wants…needs…fantasy…insecurity…self-fulfilled prophecy…temptation?  The list goes on and on.  Each person born into this world is unique. Each of us have our own individual reasons for why we do what we do.  It makes all of us more empowered to be knowledgeable of the different motivations people have for their daily decision making.  We learn at an early age that actions have consequences.  This blog focuses on some of the theoretically possible causes of behavior rather than the effects.

Do you ever look back at a decision you’ve made, and ask yourself, “What was I thinking?”  Even when you take time to find the answer, you are left scratching your head, and still confused.  There is desire, and then there is acting on the desire.  In between the idea and the action is a thought process that involves making choices.  These choices can work for us or against us.

Just because you want to do something or get something doesn’t mean you should act on these desires.  Desires come from many different sources such as:  Boredom, Emotional Emptiness, Addiction, Bad Habits, Sense of Entitlement or Greed.

Boredom :  Serial Daters are an example of Boredom.  These people bore very easily, and can exit a thriving relationship without much difficulty.  The desire for the next “latest and greatest” new model to be traded in is so all encompassing in the mind of the bored serial dater.  Eventually, the serial dater will get bored again in the next relationship no matter how fabulous it seemed at the beginning. These people sabotage the potential for a stable long term relationship in pursuit of satiating their palate for newness.  In the meantime, this boredom leading to a string of broken ties leaves behind much heart break and destruction. These viable partners are who abandoned by the serial dater are left wondering what they could have done better to keep the love and affection of their once attracted mate. The truth is that there is nothing the partner could do or be that would eventually be deemed as “good enough” for the bored serial dater.

Emotional Emptiness: These are the people who still have unfinished emotional healing work from their childhood. Without addressing the pain the adult is struggling with, the hole inside of them will only get darker and deeper as time goes on.   This can lead to struggles with insecurity, low self-esteem, and need for validation. This emptiness put those affected at risk to look for love in all the wrong places, and with the wrong people.  They are likely to attract people who are emotionally unavailable which is kind of ironic considering they are desiring fulfillment.  "Emotionally empty" adults have a propensity to seek partners who are unattainable, unstable, and noncommittal. When a person is unavailable, it can also mean spiritually, mentally, or physically unavailable as well.  What these potential partners are available for are: game playing, emotional manipulation and bullying, and sucking the life out of their victims (getting the name called “emotional vampires”).

Addiction: Drinking as a form of an addiction after much time in recovery can lead to regrettable relapse.  Going back to drinking whether on a one-night binge or long periods of drinking behavior is brought about by cravings or "triggers". Examples of triggers are:  hanging around old friends who still party, or showing up at bars and casinos.  Short or long term maintenance of sobriety is a full time job, a life style, a way of thinking and requires a tremendous energy for long term success. Reaching out to a life line such as an Alcoholics Anonymous Sponsor, a qualified addictions counselor, a loved one or a trusted friend can make all the difference in setting up a substance free life style for ultimate success.   A person who’s been sober thirty days and relapses on day 31 is now back to being on day 1.  All that effort goes down the drain.  Relapse is just not worth it.

Bad habits: Emotional eating is a bad habit many people can relate to.  Why do we do this anyway?  Just because there is a delicious piece of cake on the kitchen counter that’s left over from dessert doesn’t mean that we should eat it even though we could.  Especially if we’ve already had our piece.  Emotional eating becomes more likely when we feel out of control in our lives. Our eating patterns often mirror how we feel about what is going on outside of ourselves.  Risk of higher prevalence of emotional eating goes up when we lack dietary monitoring strategies, and lack placing limitations on how much sugar and carbohydrates we take in.  Eating late at night, or even in the middle of the night are also culprits to emotional eating. What is eating us up inside, or what is eating at us?  When we take a closer look, and process our emotions properly, we are better able to be mindful about exercising greater self–control.

Sense of Entitlement: Someone with an inflated sense of sense worth such as a narcissist would feel entitled to lie, steal or cheat without feeling guilt, remorse or insight.  Self-entitled individuals don’t feel guilty. They feel justified in their actions and believe what they are doing is not wrong or should render punishment. They only feel bad when they get caught. They only have insight when they figure out a better plan to not get caught next time. They are too arrogant to ever apologize.

Greed : People who are greedy will bully, extort, manipulate, or just simply take if it is there is  front of them. Their desires don’t need a rationale.  This is simply who they are: greedy.  Greedy people don’t have a rock bottom.  They ride the “train of greed” for as long as they can, until the train crashes and burns.

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