Sublimated anger is sensible anger when it is converted into action. Anger can be a useful tool in your toolbox of emotions when you can identify its source. Finding a solution to anger is healing in itself. When not acknowledged properly, anger tends to bottle itself up inside. We know what happens next…the anger has to go somewhere eventually and gets expressed through explosive rage. Society has done an excellent job of teaching us that repression is better than acknowledging anger. But when anger is bottled up, it festers; it lingers. Perhaps someone is trying to push you down in a relationship, withholding information that could help you get ahead in hour career, or simply holding you back from excelling in your personal development. Something’s bothering you during the day, but you can’t quite put your finger on it. It’s the anger that you aren’t addressing.
When you feel angry, it’s a sign that something is wrong. It's a sign that you are not feeling understood, valued or recognized by people you are close to. Anger worsens when you don't know what to do next on how to manage your anger. Picking up on these cues allow your brain to go into "fix-it" mode. Channel that anger into a motivational state of pushing yourself upward and outward from the spot you’re stuck in, and get yourself unstuck. Do it just because someone pissed you off. This way, you’re turning a negative into a positive, and this can be a huge confidence booster. Creating healthier responses to your anger will reduce your frustration, and empower you into action.
Neutralize your anger by breaking the cycle- by doing something new today. That something new can be something as simple as putting a paper note in your pocket with an inspirational saying, or a message you can tell yourself such as, "Today, I will let it go". Simply by staying mindful of your emotional experiences will help you break out of your stifled state of anger. Another example is to make a concious choice to not argue for today. Instead, make it a point to work out a conflict by communicating logically and sensibly with not allowing the argument escalate under any circumstances. You'd be pleasantly surprised at how capable you are of taking control of your interpersonal relationships in a mature and peaceful way. Conflict resolution happens more quickly and successfully without anger-provoking argumentation.
There is the "nature/nurture" theory of explaining where our anger comes from. How much of anger is an inherited personality trait that can be apart of a strong willed temperment? Being aggressive has its benefits when used wisely at the right time and the right place. Mostly, we learn how to be angry from our childhood experiences. We are creatures of habit, and if we see anger modeled for us in childhood, we are likely to become angry adults. If we repeatedly get angry, then we are apt to continue to react angrily. It’s never too late to break old patterns of behavior, and introduce healthier coping strategies to manage your anger.
As humans, we cling to the familiar whether it’s working for us or not. Just because behaving a certain way is an established pattern of behavior, it doesn’t mean that this pattern can’t be broken. If we can turn the page of a book, we can also turn the different pages of our lives. Give yourself that permission. The only one holding you back from growth is yourself.
Since it is the beginning of a new year, this is a perfect time to work on anger management.
Here are some suggestions of how to take action today:
1) Commit to a regular exercise program that help reduce stress
2) Talk about what is making you feel angry with a trusted ally
3) Write about your angry feelings in a private diary
4) Be mindful about your anger as it starts to build up
5) Engage in deep breathing and meditation to help calm your nerves
6) Brainstorm on different ways you can personalize your anger reduction
7) Don’t give up even when you feel discouraged, or have had a setback
8) Talk to a professional to gain insight into the causes and effects of your anger
9) Make a positive association with minimizing anger and having healthier relationships
10) Explore what is at risk for you to lose if you don’t begin getting control of your anger
11) Never let your anger become the boss of your mind. You are the boss of your anger.
12) Letting go of anger is a very selfish act. When you release a grudge, you are not longer “holding” it. What a relief that would be!
13) Before verbalizing your thoughts, count to 10, and think through how you would like to express yourself.
14) Consider if its worth it to get into an argument for the sake of being “right” or to just let it go
15) Don’t bottle up your anger. Deal with it, as the anger
If you have enjoyed reading this blog, you can find more of my writing contributions written with the intention to help people seeking greater control of their emotions, thoughts and behaviors creating improvement in mental well-being. "Alphabelt Advice For Adults" is my first self-published book available for purchase on Amazon. There is also a link on the homepage of this website that will offer a detailed description of the book, and direct you to Amazon for easier navigation. For every book purchase, 20% of the profit will be donated to Kids Kicking Cancer.